Something Stupid, Something Funny

If you thought that losers only existed in movies like “Dumb & Dumber” or “American Pie”, think again. Because someone told me this hilarious convo just the other day which proves that a bonafide loser-in-the-flesh was right in our midst all this time. It was so friggin’ hilarious that I almost snorted Milo ais through my nose!

Note: To enjoy the full effect of the dialogue, just picture Loser as a much more pathetic version of Gaston (of Beauty & the Beast; sorry Gaston but you were the best example!) and Babe is some sweet gal.

TITLE : Tips for real men - How NOT to pick up girls.
aka
Tips from a Loser - How to lose a girl every second in every single one of your lifetimes.

Scenario:
Hunksome Loserius and Mr X are headed to lunch. As Hunksome drives, he decides to show Mr X a thing or two about how he could get any chick anytime at the snap of his finger. And so proceeds the “lesson”…

SFX : Speed dialling number. Line ringing. Answers.

Loser : Hello babe. It’s me, Hunksome. We’re going for lunch now, Mr X and I, and I was wondering if you would like to have the honour of joining me and my gorgeous body, I mean me and Mr X, for lunch.

Babe : (hesitant) Er… no la.

Loser : (huffed up, tries again) Are you sure? I’m just round the corner, I can come pick you up in my I-can’t-really-afford-it-but-who-cares-cos-Ilookdaymngoodinit-I’m-confident-that-honeys-won’t-be-able-to-resist-me Honeywagon.

Babe : (long pause) Er… no la.

Loser : (tries yet again) Are you really really sure you don’t wanna see my gorgeous body? I’ve been working out 3 days straight at the gym on my abs. You see babe, some chick is simply insisting I do a shoot for her... shirtless! Can you believe that? I mean, what can I say when it’s obvious she really just wanna see me nekkid…
(You see, Hunksome really does lurve the sound of his own voice so he could go on and on and on about himself for aeons... yawn!)

Babe : (disgusted) What?

Loser : (drawls sexily, or so he thinks) Baaaabe… come on. We’re headed over to that place De Carafe, not the one we usually go to but the other one, you know…

Babe : (interrupts) No I don’t know.

Loser : (laughs) It’s ok, I don’t blame you for being dumbstuck by my charms. So what say you, we come pick you up now?

Babe : (too quickly) No I can’t I have to comb my eyelashes!

Loser : Well babe, just so you know, you’re on speaker phone.

Babe : Er… ok… bye!!!

SFX : Line goes dead.

Loser : (to Mr X) She wants me! I know it!!!

Mr X : (holding back a puke) Clearly!


Do stay tuned for many more anecdotes in The Adventures of Hunksome Loserius.